i'm back in richmond. i feel really fat today. not sure why. it's weird...i go through these spells sometimes where i feel like i look HORRIBLE in everything i put on, and i feel like i'm back at day 1. it's not really like me to be down on myself, but it does happen from time to time.
for example, i decided today that the hams aren't really any smaller. "hams?", you ask. yes. hams. my mom told me when i was about 14 that my thighs look like hams. from that point on, i've always referred to them as hams. i think i've done this to make myself feel better. every problem area on my body has a nickname. shelf? where my butt and back meet...you know, it looks like a shelf that you could rest something on because my butt sticks out so far. equator? the dividing line between the upper and lower guts. fat arms? enough said.
my grandma once told me i should consider gastric bypass surgery. now, i have no problem with gastric bypass surgery, if it's what you and your doctor feel comfortable with. i understand that it may be the best fit for some people. but that is one of the few times my mommaw has hurt my feelings. just made me feel like a) she thought i needed to lose weight (which i did, but that's beside the point!) and b) that she thought i wasn't capable of dieting in the 1st place.
since i'm on a roll with embarrassing stories, here's one that very few people know....i'm not even sure i told the bestie or the boy this one. in summer 2003, my aunt angie took all of us to cedar point to celebrate my sister's high school graduation. i weighed around 260 at this time. (not as much as i do now, but not missing it by that much...) we were waiting in line to ride the top thrill dragster. i got on the ride...and the seatbelt wouldn't buckle. i have never been so embarrassed. i was so disgusted with myself...and i honestly didn't understand. i mean, i had just been to cedar point the previous summer and had ridden everything there! how did that happen? i exited the ride's area in tears. i spent the rest of the day doing the ripcord...wasn't a weight limit there, and that couple of seconds pause in the air right before you drop back down made me feel a whole lot lighter.
you know how some people have a warped image of themselves and see themselves as bigger than they are? i think i have the reverse problem. i never realize how big i've gotten until a pair of pants no longer fit or i see a picture of myself.
did any of these scenarios push me to lose weight? maybe temporarily. i think after the cedar point incident was the 1st time i tried weight watchers online. i stuck with it for about 6 weeks, lost about 20 lbs. but we all know how it ended. because here i am. i think the reason it didn't motivate me to lose is because it would've been for someone else - my mom, my grandma, the cedar point roller coaster designer. lol. it's true that your desire to lose weight and adopt a healthy lifestyle have to come from within yourself. i don't know where my desire came from this time around. daniel and i had tossed around the idea of losing weight for months, but i never really stuck with anything. then i just decided it was time. that was 55 days ago. and i'm proud that i'm still going strong. have i had bad meals? yes. have there been days that i've questioned this? yes. but i'm so glad i'm putting forth the effort. and overall my decisions have been complete 180s from what they would've been 3 months ago. mandi texted me the other day and was like "i dunno what to eat for lunch. i think i'm going to have to get mcdonald's. any suggestions?" i quickly replied, "double cheeseburger, no pickle, no onion, large fry, large coke...and that's why i'm now on weight watchers". without hesitation, that's what i would've ordered before. so i'm proud of the progress that's being made...even on days when i go over by 3 or 4 points. because i promise you, it's a lot better than it was before.
all of this crap from the past are the memories that i pull out on days when i don't feel like all of this sacrifice is worth the outcome. i am worth this. it's just going to take some time to get me there. i want a body i can be proud of.
sidenote: the title of this blog is in reference to my song of the week - "gives you hell". didn't want anyone to think this entire post was a lie! haha.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
weighing in
week 8: -1; -18.5 total
so, i weighed in friday night, and was down another 1 lb. i was hoping for a bigger loss, but what can you expect after eating the melting pot for dinner one night?
i'm in the mil aka marion, IL with the boy right now. i left the house at about 6:30 this morning, and didn't really have any "on the go" breakfast items. i found a subway along the way that was open 24 hours, and totally ate a 6 inch sub for breakfast. 6 pt sub > 10 pt mcdonald's sausage biscuit. i was so proud of me...
more to come on monday...
xoxo
so, i weighed in friday night, and was down another 1 lb. i was hoping for a bigger loss, but what can you expect after eating the melting pot for dinner one night?
i'm in the mil aka marion, IL with the boy right now. i left the house at about 6:30 this morning, and didn't really have any "on the go" breakfast items. i found a subway along the way that was open 24 hours, and totally ate a 6 inch sub for breakfast. 6 pt sub > 10 pt mcdonald's sausage biscuit. i was so proud of me...
more to come on monday...
xoxo
Friday, March 27, 2009
did you say moe's?
i love moe's southwest grill. i didn't know i did, but i do. ang and i tried it for the 1st time yesterday. it was 16 points of goodness. :)
i ran on the treadmill last night. by running, i mean i ran at a 5.0 mph pace for 1 minute. but i ran. first time since i can remember. i walked at a super brisk pace for the rest of the workout. needed a break from the elliptical, so the treadmill was welcoming.
the weekend's going to be a busy one. jill and i are going to check out more wedding dresses this evening - which could be interesting with the madi girl - but before that, i'm going to go to weigh-in one day early. i usually weigh-in saturday mornings, with no food in me, so friday evening weigh-ins scare me, but i figure it'll all even out in the end. i'm leaving early in the morning to make the drive to IL to see daniel. i'm so excited to see him. this is the longest we've gone without seeing each other. crazy.
3 more hours and i'm outta richmond. weigh-in results to come!
i ran on the treadmill last night. by running, i mean i ran at a 5.0 mph pace for 1 minute. but i ran. first time since i can remember. i walked at a super brisk pace for the rest of the workout. needed a break from the elliptical, so the treadmill was welcoming.
the weekend's going to be a busy one. jill and i are going to check out more wedding dresses this evening - which could be interesting with the madi girl - but before that, i'm going to go to weigh-in one day early. i usually weigh-in saturday mornings, with no food in me, so friday evening weigh-ins scare me, but i figure it'll all even out in the end. i'm leaving early in the morning to make the drive to IL to see daniel. i'm so excited to see him. this is the longest we've gone without seeing each other. crazy.
3 more hours and i'm outta richmond. weigh-in results to come!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
bbgirl
the only time i'm not on my blackberry is during my workouts.
i'm hopelessly addicted to my phone. and in love with it.
dat ees all.
i'm hopelessly addicted to my phone. and in love with it.
dat ees all.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
¡Feliz cumpleaños a tí!
i'd give anything to be celebrating over some mexican food today.
on the upside, i guess i don't have to count the points for it...ha.
on the upside, i guess i don't have to count the points for it...ha.
Monday, March 23, 2009
updates all around
1st things 1st:
week 7 weigh in results: -1.0; -17.5 total
i was a little disappointed in my weight loss this week. i was hoping for a really big number. i guess i thought all of the working out i was doing would turn into a huge number, but i try to remind myself that, even though i'm making reasonably good choices, i'm still eating out every meal, and that makes it hard as i don't know the exact calories in the food from the nicer restaurants. places like subway seem to be easier to track, but at the sit-down restaurants, i just have to make an educated guess. not that i'm making excuses - i'm not. i know that eating at kona grill (amazing, btw) was not the healthiest thing to do. do i regret it? no. because it'd be crazy to think i wouldn't eat potstickers ever again.
for anyone that is lacking motivation or wonders where to pull their motivation, this is a link to one of my favorite blog posts in history. http://hlcaterpillar.blogspot.com/2009/03/motivation-scmotivation.html
saturday was mandi's shower for friends, family, and coworkers in the charleston area. it was really fun! angela, sarah, and i threw it for her, and i'm glad everyone got together. we laughed a lot, and she seemed to get a lot of useful stuff - and some really cute stuff, too.
i had some lovely time saturday evening. jill and madi and i grabbed dinner and spent a few hours laughing and talking. madi is getting to be the biggest girl ever - she was loving on her aunt aims! she was cracking me up because she decided she needed to wave at everyone that passed her in outback. she's definitely got her daddy's personality when it comes to not knowing a stranger. spending time with madi makes me realize i could do that whole mother thing one day.
sunday was wedding planning day. mandi and i went to david's bridal and i tried on gowns...and found one i love! i want nothing more than to post a pic of my dress here - even though it doesn't do it justice - but i know daniel will be reading this as soon as i hit publish, so everyone will just hafta wait until the big day. hehe. we also ran down to the rose garden to pick a spot within the garden to hold the wedding and i think we decided on having buddy's bbq cater for us. seems like things are coming together....shouldn't be too much left to do, really. flowers, decorations, and invitations - i know what i want...just need to get to ordering.
daniel booked our honeymoon flights last night, too. :) i squealed. i was so excited. our hotel is on waikiki beach - and it looks really nice. thank goodness for marriott rewards points. i can't wait to go to hawaii. i hope i can find a cute tankini before we go!
back in richmond again today...woo. i do love our hotel, though. it's a lot nicer than the other hotels we had been staying in.
tomorrow is my mom's 44th birthday - well, would be. this is usually such a hard day for me, but i'm really going to attempt to remember the positives and not dwell on the pain that's been caused over the years. in an effort to do this, i'm going to focus on my favorite "mom" memories...the vultures at pizza hut...singing reo speedwagon while prom dress shopping...eating chi chi's...posing at myrtle beach...walking the beagle club loop...my high school graduation day...her and misty singing the bsb on the way to elkins...sometimes i forget about these, and i think it's important to find a way to focus on them.
it's part of that changing me thing, ya know?
week 7 weigh in results: -1.0; -17.5 total
i was a little disappointed in my weight loss this week. i was hoping for a really big number. i guess i thought all of the working out i was doing would turn into a huge number, but i try to remind myself that, even though i'm making reasonably good choices, i'm still eating out every meal, and that makes it hard as i don't know the exact calories in the food from the nicer restaurants. places like subway seem to be easier to track, but at the sit-down restaurants, i just have to make an educated guess. not that i'm making excuses - i'm not. i know that eating at kona grill (amazing, btw) was not the healthiest thing to do. do i regret it? no. because it'd be crazy to think i wouldn't eat potstickers ever again.
for anyone that is lacking motivation or wonders where to pull their motivation, this is a link to one of my favorite blog posts in history. http://hlcaterpillar.blogspot.com/2009/03/motivation-scmotivation.html
saturday was mandi's shower for friends, family, and coworkers in the charleston area. it was really fun! angela, sarah, and i threw it for her, and i'm glad everyone got together. we laughed a lot, and she seemed to get a lot of useful stuff - and some really cute stuff, too.
i had some lovely time saturday evening. jill and madi and i grabbed dinner and spent a few hours laughing and talking. madi is getting to be the biggest girl ever - she was loving on her aunt aims! she was cracking me up because she decided she needed to wave at everyone that passed her in outback. she's definitely got her daddy's personality when it comes to not knowing a stranger. spending time with madi makes me realize i could do that whole mother thing one day.
sunday was wedding planning day. mandi and i went to david's bridal and i tried on gowns...and found one i love! i want nothing more than to post a pic of my dress here - even though it doesn't do it justice - but i know daniel will be reading this as soon as i hit publish, so everyone will just hafta wait until the big day. hehe. we also ran down to the rose garden to pick a spot within the garden to hold the wedding and i think we decided on having buddy's bbq cater for us. seems like things are coming together....shouldn't be too much left to do, really. flowers, decorations, and invitations - i know what i want...just need to get to ordering.
daniel booked our honeymoon flights last night, too. :) i squealed. i was so excited. our hotel is on waikiki beach - and it looks really nice. thank goodness for marriott rewards points. i can't wait to go to hawaii. i hope i can find a cute tankini before we go!
back in richmond again today...woo. i do love our hotel, though. it's a lot nicer than the other hotels we had been staying in.
tomorrow is my mom's 44th birthday - well, would be. this is usually such a hard day for me, but i'm really going to attempt to remember the positives and not dwell on the pain that's been caused over the years. in an effort to do this, i'm going to focus on my favorite "mom" memories...the vultures at pizza hut...singing reo speedwagon while prom dress shopping...eating chi chi's...posing at myrtle beach...walking the beagle club loop...my high school graduation day...her and misty singing the bsb on the way to elkins...sometimes i forget about these, and i think it's important to find a way to focus on them.
it's part of that changing me thing, ya know?
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
omg, i did what?
i'm in awe. i just worked out for 1 hour. yes, 1 hour. i did 1/2 hour on the elliptical and 1/2 hour on the treadmill...burned 655 calories and went a total of 4.65 miles. what...the...crap? is this the same girl that 6 weeks ago was worn out after 10 minutes on the treadmill and had to make herself do a speed of 3.5 in 5 min increments???
i'm just so proud of myself. feel silly gloating, but i really am proud. totally announcing it at my WW meeting, too. i want my bravo sticker, dangit!!! :)
i've been working out a lot more this week...well, still every night after dinner, but for longer periods of time. i've been eating some of my activity points, but i'm hoping for a big loss this week. i know, i know...any loss is a good thing, but i really would like to hit my 20 lb mark this week.
can anyone out there clear something up for me? is there a limit of how many activity points you earn a week? just curious. i'm not even close to eating all that i've earned - just dying to know for curiosity's sake.
a young guy came into the workout room while ang and i were in there. talk about motivation! no, no, not for why you're thinking - i wasn't attracted to him or anything. but he ran on the treadmill in increments. i kept sneaking a peak at his speeds...8 mph, 8.5 mph, 9 mph. wow. i'm just in awe of him.
"but i believe in whatever you do, and i'll do anything to see it through" - line from Taylor Swift's "Change". it was added to my workout music tonight. it's funny...i tend to find a line in a song that makes me push through for those last 20 calories burned or another 10 mins. for that, i want to thank daniel for giving me his iPod...wait, i want to thank myself for buying my boy a new iPod, allowing him to give me his old one. tonight's workout music went something like this:
cortez the killer - dmb
dancing nancies - dmb, central park version
don't drink the water- dmb, central park version
believe - yellowcard
only one - yellowcard
view from heaven - yellowcard
change - taylor swift
my life would suck without you - kelly clarkson
believe - yellowcard
believe - yellowcard
lol. yes, some repeats. yes, a weird combination. whatever works.
off to see who's going home on idol.
have i mentioned i adore my camelbak bottle?
PS: i can't WAIT for march 28. seriously.
i'm just so proud of myself. feel silly gloating, but i really am proud. totally announcing it at my WW meeting, too. i want my bravo sticker, dangit!!! :)
i've been working out a lot more this week...well, still every night after dinner, but for longer periods of time. i've been eating some of my activity points, but i'm hoping for a big loss this week. i know, i know...any loss is a good thing, but i really would like to hit my 20 lb mark this week.
can anyone out there clear something up for me? is there a limit of how many activity points you earn a week? just curious. i'm not even close to eating all that i've earned - just dying to know for curiosity's sake.
a young guy came into the workout room while ang and i were in there. talk about motivation! no, no, not for why you're thinking - i wasn't attracted to him or anything. but he ran on the treadmill in increments. i kept sneaking a peak at his speeds...8 mph, 8.5 mph, 9 mph. wow. i'm just in awe of him.
"but i believe in whatever you do, and i'll do anything to see it through" - line from Taylor Swift's "Change". it was added to my workout music tonight. it's funny...i tend to find a line in a song that makes me push through for those last 20 calories burned or another 10 mins. for that, i want to thank daniel for giving me his iPod...wait, i want to thank myself for buying my boy a new iPod, allowing him to give me his old one. tonight's workout music went something like this:
cortez the killer - dmb
dancing nancies - dmb, central park version
don't drink the water- dmb, central park version
believe - yellowcard
only one - yellowcard
view from heaven - yellowcard
change - taylor swift
my life would suck without you - kelly clarkson
believe - yellowcard
believe - yellowcard
lol. yes, some repeats. yes, a weird combination. whatever works.
off to see who's going home on idol.
have i mentioned i adore my camelbak bottle?
PS: i can't WAIT for march 28. seriously.
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