Monday, March 30, 2009

truth be told i'm lying

i'm back in richmond. i feel really fat today. not sure why. it's weird...i go through these spells sometimes where i feel like i look HORRIBLE in everything i put on, and i feel like i'm back at day 1. it's not really like me to be down on myself, but it does happen from time to time.

for example, i decided today that the hams aren't really any smaller. "hams?", you ask. yes. hams. my mom told me when i was about 14 that my thighs look like hams. from that point on, i've always referred to them as hams. i think i've done this to make myself feel better. every problem area on my body has a nickname. shelf? where my butt and back know, it looks like a shelf that you could rest something on because my butt sticks out so far. equator? the dividing line between the upper and lower guts. fat arms? enough said.

my grandma once told me i should consider gastric bypass surgery. now, i have no problem with gastric bypass surgery, if it's what you and your doctor feel comfortable with. i understand that it may be the best fit for some people. but that is one of the few times my mommaw has hurt my feelings. just made me feel like a) she thought i needed to lose weight (which i did, but that's beside the point!) and b) that she thought i wasn't capable of dieting in the 1st place.

since i'm on a roll with embarrassing stories, here's one that very few people know....i'm not even sure i told the bestie or the boy this one. in summer 2003, my aunt angie took all of us to cedar point to celebrate my sister's high school graduation. i weighed around 260 at this time. (not as much as i do now, but not missing it by that much...) we were waiting in line to ride the top thrill dragster. i got on the ride...and the seatbelt wouldn't buckle. i have never been so embarrassed. i was so disgusted with myself...and i honestly didn't understand. i mean, i had just been to cedar point the previous summer and had ridden everything there! how did that happen? i exited the ride's area in tears. i spent the rest of the day doing the ripcord...wasn't a weight limit there, and that couple of seconds pause in the air right before you drop back down made me feel a whole lot lighter.

you know how some people have a warped image of themselves and see themselves as bigger than they are? i think i have the reverse problem. i never realize how big i've gotten until a pair of pants no longer fit or i see a picture of myself.

did any of these scenarios push me to lose weight? maybe temporarily. i think after the cedar point incident was the 1st time i tried weight watchers online. i stuck with it for about 6 weeks, lost about 20 lbs. but we all know how it ended. because here i am. i think the reason it didn't motivate me to lose is because it would've been for someone else - my mom, my grandma, the cedar point roller coaster designer. lol. it's true that your desire to lose weight and adopt a healthy lifestyle have to come from within yourself. i don't know where my desire came from this time around. daniel and i had tossed around the idea of losing weight for months, but i never really stuck with anything. then i just decided it was time. that was 55 days ago. and i'm proud that i'm still going strong. have i had bad meals? yes. have there been days that i've questioned this? yes. but i'm so glad i'm putting forth the effort. and overall my decisions have been complete 180s from what they would've been 3 months ago. mandi texted me the other day and was like "i dunno what to eat for lunch. i think i'm going to have to get mcdonald's. any suggestions?" i quickly replied, "double cheeseburger, no pickle, no onion, large fry, large coke...and that's why i'm now on weight watchers". without hesitation, that's what i would've ordered before. so i'm proud of the progress that's being made...even on days when i go over by 3 or 4 points. because i promise you, it's a lot better than it was before.

all of this crap from the past are the memories that i pull out on days when i don't feel like all of this sacrifice is worth the outcome. i am worth this. it's just going to take some time to get me there. i want a body i can be proud of.

sidenote: the title of this blog is in reference to my song of the week - "gives you hell". didn't want anyone to think this entire post was a lie! haha.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

weighing in

week 8: -1; -18.5 total

so, i weighed in friday night, and was down another 1 lb. i was hoping for a bigger loss, but what can you expect after eating the melting pot for dinner one night?

i'm in the mil aka marion, IL with the boy right now. i left the house at about 6:30 this morning, and didn't really have any "on the go" breakfast items. i found a subway along the way that was open 24 hours, and totally ate a 6 inch sub for breakfast. 6 pt sub > 10 pt mcdonald's sausage biscuit. i was so proud of me...

more to come on monday...

Friday, March 27, 2009

did you say moe's?

i love moe's southwest grill. i didn't know i did, but i do. ang and i tried it for the 1st time yesterday. it was 16 points of goodness. :)

i ran on the treadmill last night. by running, i mean i ran at a 5.0 mph pace for 1 minute. but i ran. first time since i can remember. i walked at a super brisk pace for the rest of the workout. needed a break from the elliptical, so the treadmill was welcoming.

the weekend's going to be a busy one. jill and i are going to check out more wedding dresses this evening - which could be interesting with the madi girl - but before that, i'm going to go to weigh-in one day early. i usually weigh-in saturday mornings, with no food in me, so friday evening weigh-ins scare me, but i figure it'll all even out in the end. i'm leaving early in the morning to make the drive to IL to see daniel. i'm so excited to see him. this is the longest we've gone without seeing each other. crazy.

3 more hours and i'm outta richmond. weigh-in results to come!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009


the only time i'm not on my blackberry is during my workouts.

i'm hopelessly addicted to my phone. and in love with it.

dat ees all.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

¡Feliz cumpleaños a tí!

i'd give anything to be celebrating over some mexican food today.

on the upside, i guess i don't have to count the points for it...ha.

Monday, March 23, 2009

updates all around

1st things 1st:

week 7 weigh in results: -1.0; -17.5 total

i was a little disappointed in my weight loss this week. i was hoping for a really big number. i guess i thought all of the working out i was doing would turn into a huge number, but i try to remind myself that, even though i'm making reasonably good choices, i'm still eating out every meal, and that makes it hard as i don't know the exact calories in the food from the nicer restaurants. places like subway seem to be easier to track, but at the sit-down restaurants, i just have to make an educated guess. not that i'm making excuses - i'm not. i know that eating at kona grill (amazing, btw) was not the healthiest thing to do. do i regret it? no. because it'd be crazy to think i wouldn't eat potstickers ever again.

for anyone that is lacking motivation or wonders where to pull their motivation, this is a link to one of my favorite blog posts in history.

saturday was mandi's shower for friends, family, and coworkers in the charleston area. it was really fun! angela, sarah, and i threw it for her, and i'm glad everyone got together. we laughed a lot, and she seemed to get a lot of useful stuff - and some really cute stuff, too.

i had some lovely time saturday evening. jill and madi and i grabbed dinner and spent a few hours laughing and talking. madi is getting to be the biggest girl ever - she was loving on her aunt aims! she was cracking me up because she decided she needed to wave at everyone that passed her in outback. she's definitely got her daddy's personality when it comes to not knowing a stranger. spending time with madi makes me realize i could do that whole mother thing one day.

sunday was wedding planning day. mandi and i went to david's bridal and i tried on gowns...and found one i love! i want nothing more than to post a pic of my dress here - even though it doesn't do it justice - but i know daniel will be reading this as soon as i hit publish, so everyone will just hafta wait until the big day. hehe. we also ran down to the rose garden to pick a spot within the garden to hold the wedding and i think we decided on having buddy's bbq cater for us. seems like things are coming together....shouldn't be too much left to do, really. flowers, decorations, and invitations - i know what i want...just need to get to ordering.

daniel booked our honeymoon flights last night, too. :) i squealed. i was so excited. our hotel is on waikiki beach - and it looks really nice. thank goodness for marriott rewards points. i can't wait to go to hawaii. i hope i can find a cute tankini before we go!

back in richmond again today...woo. i do love our hotel, though. it's a lot nicer than the other hotels we had been staying in.

tomorrow is my mom's 44th birthday - well, would be. this is usually such a hard day for me, but i'm really going to attempt to remember the positives and not dwell on the pain that's been caused over the years. in an effort to do this, i'm going to focus on my favorite "mom" memories...the vultures at pizza hut...singing reo speedwagon while prom dress shopping...eating chi chi's...posing at myrtle beach...walking the beagle club high school graduation day...her and misty singing the bsb on the way to elkins...sometimes i forget about these, and i think it's important to find a way to focus on them.

it's part of that changing me thing, ya know?

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

omg, i did what?

i'm in awe. i just worked out for 1 hour. yes, 1 hour. i did 1/2 hour on the elliptical and 1/2 hour on the treadmill...burned 655 calories and went a total of 4.65 miles. what...the...crap? is this the same girl that 6 weeks ago was worn out after 10 minutes on the treadmill and had to make herself do a speed of 3.5 in 5 min increments???

i'm just so proud of myself. feel silly gloating, but i really am proud. totally announcing it at my WW meeting, too. i want my bravo sticker, dangit!!! :)

i've been working out a lot more this week...well, still every night after dinner, but for longer periods of time. i've been eating some of my activity points, but i'm hoping for a big loss this week. i know, i know...any loss is a good thing, but i really would like to hit my 20 lb mark this week.

can anyone out there clear something up for me? is there a limit of how many activity points you earn a week? just curious. i'm not even close to eating all that i've earned - just dying to know for curiosity's sake.

a young guy came into the workout room while ang and i were in there. talk about motivation! no, no, not for why you're thinking - i wasn't attracted to him or anything. but he ran on the treadmill in increments. i kept sneaking a peak at his speeds...8 mph, 8.5 mph, 9 mph. wow. i'm just in awe of him.

"but i believe in whatever you do, and i'll do anything to see it through" - line from Taylor Swift's "Change". it was added to my workout music tonight. it's funny...i tend to find a line in a song that makes me push through for those last 20 calories burned or another 10 mins. for that, i want to thank daniel for giving me his iPod...wait, i want to thank myself for buying my boy a new iPod, allowing him to give me his old one. tonight's workout music went something like this:

cortez the killer - dmb
dancing nancies - dmb, central park version
don't drink the water- dmb, central park version
believe - yellowcard
only one - yellowcard
view from heaven - yellowcard
change - taylor swift
my life would suck without you - kelly clarkson
believe - yellowcard
believe - yellowcard

lol. yes, some repeats. yes, a weird combination. whatever works.

off to see who's going home on idol.

have i mentioned i adore my camelbak bottle?

PS: i can't WAIT for march 28. seriously.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009


i'm a tired girl these days. the good news is i'm just about over my sickness. i woke up feeling lots better this morning!!!

i did the most driving ever this weekend. on friday, i drove home from richmond. i went to my weigh-in friday night instead of the usual saturday morning, and was down 2 more lbs for a grand total of 16.5 lbs in 6 weeks. i'm attaching a picture of me with my weight loss chart:

anyways, after the meeting, misty and the girls came to my house. misty decided to "adopt" parker for me while daniel is away at work and i'm working in richmond. i cried like a big baby. it was a tough daniel, and no parker.

on saturday, i got my lazy self out of bed by 6:30 and hit the road for marion, il. daniel and i spent the weekend laughing and resting. it was so great to spend some time with him. we did really good, and saved all of tears for the end of the weekend when i was leaving. i drove home sunday evening, and rolled in around midnight.

yesterday morning i had an eye appt, so i got contacts and new glasses ordered. i drove down to richmond yesterday afternoon. joined the crew for some outback dinner, then headed back to the hotel to enjoy a workout. 45 mins on the elliptical...i went for 3.2 miles and burned 530 calories. i'm really proud of myself for sticking to this workout stuff. and proud of ang for kicking the treadmill's butt. angela was pretty awesome and ordered me a camelbak water bottle...i'm in love with it!!! it's a bright fuschia color, and has worked well at reminding me to drink my water.

i know this post is kinda rambly - and basically just a play-by-play of the weekend's happenings. nothing too new around here. i think me and mandi are going to david's bridal this weekend so i can try on some wedding gowns. that might make this whole "planning a wedding" stuff seem a little more real.

Thursday, March 12, 2009


this girl is confirmed for all of her summer dmb shows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10 shows between april 17 and september 6! :)

and a wedding along the way!!!!!!

gg ---> hg!

(in daniel talk, that's "grumpy girl turned happy girl")

some days...

i get so sick of dieting. i get frustrated with myself. get mad because i let myself get to this weight...that i hafta count points every day, and watch every little thing i put into my mouth. i know, i know. but i'm losing weight! it's a good thing. and something i'm going to have to do every day of my life. but today i am FRUS-TRA-RATED.

i made myself go work out, even though i didn't really feel like it, and even though i really wanted to go to coldstone creamery and eat a strawberry, white chocolate chip, and graham cracker ice cream waffle bowl. instead i worked out. and i'm glad i did. i decided to change up the workout music, and listened to some yellowcard instead of the usual dmb-ness. "believe" lyrics caught my attention:

wanna make a change or two right now
wanna live a life like you somehow
wanna make your sacrifice worthwhile

yes, i want to make my sacrifice worthwhile. what's the point in changing my eating habits and my life priorities if i'm going to blow my hard work on some stupid ice cream that isn't even worth it?

i think i was just feeling sorry for myself tonight. i hate richmond, i miss daniel, i'm missing my mom a lot - it's march and i just got engaged -, i'm worrying about parker, i'm super worried about my grandma, did i mention i miss daniel?

anyways, enough of my pity party. i worked out, may have eaten a little worse than i should have this week, but i'm hoping the scale will be kind because i did work out and stayed in points if you count activity points. i'm going to sit here and enjoy another bottle of water and grey's anatomy/private practice.


Wednesday, March 11, 2009

you want some buns with that meat?

Audit Storytime

we had bratwurst for lunch. rick asked delores for a brat, then goes back to flossie and asks for a bun. "hey, floss, how bout you let me put my sausage in one of your buns?" rick heads back down to delores. delores offers him some mashed potatoes, to which rick replies "you have mashed potatoes?" delores, in return, snarls "no, i'm just offering them to you for no reason." in the meantime, greg and brett are making miss floss real mad. flossie goes to the back to get buns for rick's sausage, and then hands it over with a smile, and a loving "here's a bun for your ugly sausage". brett decides he wants to put his meat on a bun, flossie dutifully heads back to the back, and returns with another bun and another smile. upon her arrival, greg announces he wants a bun for his meat, too. flossie has had enough. "i'm going to smack you both." she's had enough audit meat for one day.

as rick so eloquently put it, "if flossie ain't there, then all come scared - you'll hafta eat delores for lunch."

bumpy jelly beans

this is going to be full of randoms:
  • daniel got a call from FEMA yesterday. he's driving to illinois today, and will be working there indefinitely.
  • my throat hurts...badly. i've been taking tylenol allergy (because i thought this was an allergy problem), but i think i may have to go get some other meds.
  • i'm in love with nerds bumpy jelly beans. 23 are 3 pts. and worth every single one of them.
  • we're getting married on july 10 at 7:30 pm at the rose garden in ritter park.
  • i need to order the pictures i have on my digital camera. after discounts and promotions, it'd cost $110 to order them on snapfish.
  • i am so thirsty today.
  • daniel leaving is scary.
  • my mom's birthday is in 13 days.
  • my mom-maw has alzheimers. that's even scarier.
  • they were out of special k with red berries at the hotel this morning. it threw off my entire breakfast routine.
  • i worked out on the elliptical last night. only 30 mins this time - as idol was coming on. burned 374 calories, though.
  • i'm torn about what to do for my meeting ww this week. i hate to miss it. but i really want to go see daniel since we didn't get to say goodbye before he left for work. it's a 7 hour drive to marion. just can't decide what to do.
  • our office is consistently 80 degrees.
  • i want to carry roses and daisies in my bouquet on our wedding day.
  • i kinda wanna look at wedding dresses in the near future.
  • i'm excited for my camelback water bottle to come in.
  • i went to lane bryant last night and only spent $57.21. that must be a record.
  • tia would be happy to know that i enjoyed chipotle last night.

okay, that's it for now.


Tuesday, March 10, 2009

sweating to the dmb

i stole daniel's iPod. i had to use the generic fm transmitter thingy to listen to it in my car, because the toyota elcheapo i drive does not have the auxillary jack in it. anyways, for the workout last night, i listened to the iPod...i put it on all DMB songs, and skipped a song if it was too slow.

i'm very proud of my workout, by the way. when i walked into the workout room, both treadmills were taken, so i did 15 mins on the elliptical, then did another 30 mins on the treadmill. i ended up burning 445 calories in 45 mins of working out. now i know that doesn't sound like a lot. but coming from a girl that couldn't walk for more than 10 mins on the treadmill without tiring, i'm really excited.

i think i'll do the elliptical again tonight! going to shoot for 30 mins this time!!! :)

speaking of being healthy, i lost 2 lbs at this week's weigh-in! down 14.5 lbs in 5 weeks. very excited about it.

in other news, i will not be a beautiful bride marrying on a sandy beach in hawaii. sigh.

i'm bored. i'm kinda sick. my head hurts. and i really don't enjoy my work anymore. that's my whining fest for the day.


Sunday, March 8, 2009

normund gentle, baby showers, and family time

I dream cheated on Daniel last night. Jodi, Ang, and I were working in Richmond, which looked like San Fran, and Jodi came into my hotel room and caught me and Normund Gentle kissing. Lol. She was furious with me. What a strange dream!

Yesterday was Mandi's baby shower in Man. It was fun to see the fam and I'm so 'cited that she finally got to see the DMB onesie I made for Madison. It says "I heart DMB just like mommy!". I adore it. Jill and Madi girl tagged along with me. Madi was so good and was her Aunt Aims' girl all day.

Sundays have been our family day for the past few weeks. Daniel and I are on our way to meet the g'rents at Famous Dave's. I'm attempting my 1st blog post on my BlackBerry. It's not as easy as I want it to be. Anyways, after food, we are going to see Dee, David, and the chickens. I really like that Daniel and I do this kind of stuff together. Seems so simple, but it doesn't go unnoticed by me.

Happy day!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

it's flooded!

yikes. the boyfriend discovered a leak in the house today. he called scott (our maintenance man) and i guess the sprinkler system is what is leaking - a plumber is on his way.

i think the hawaiian wedding may be a go! i've been looking at a bunch of different websites, trying to decide on which wedding coordinator/photographer/location to go with. it's really nice - a lot of the companies have package deals that basically include everything you need for one set price. we're going to be staying at a marriott on waikiki beach...thank goodness for work travel, hotel points, and free hotel stays. i think we're going to fly down to hawaii on august 28, fly from honolulu to seattle on september 4, and then home on september 7. i'm so excited. marrying him, hawaii, and dmb at the gorge all in one week - what more can a girl ask for?!?

work's gone by really fast this week, i guess because i called in sick one day. i'm so ready to head home.

need to try to actually get a work out in tonight. i bailed the last two nights from the stomach funk i've been in. not sure what the scale will show at weigh-in this week.

i was really disappointed with the idol results last night. i loved felicia. :( she didn't even make it in as a wildcard. tonight's show will be interesting, for sure.

nothing else new to report. i'll be going to man on saturday for the showering of madison by the aunts. kind of excited to see them's been awhile.


Wednesday, March 4, 2009

rumbly tumbly

i've been so sick. i slept literally all day yesterday. angela was pretty awesome and brought me food from o'charley's. i ate two rolls, and dipped them in my soup, then i ate some grapes. i think i had about 13 points total yesterday. needless to say, i just did not feel like eating any more than that. i didn't get my workout in last night - unless you count the trips to the bathroom. makes me feel a little guilty, but i was just not up to it.

i cannot believe i slept that much. i got up at about 6, and stayed up long enough to watch idol, then it was right back to sleeping...i had a dream that the reason i was sick was because daniel didn't let me get enough rest on the sims. speaking of idol, i really liked felicia last night...and she has awesome hair!!! i can't help it, i also like nathaniel...he's such a little drama queen. vote for the worst's pick is alex, and i really enjoyed him, too. hehe.

i'm feeling a bit better tummy's a little rumbly tumbly, but i haven't been in the bathroom in about 12 hours, so that's good. also, the massive headache is long gone, thankfully.

i've been trying to work on some wedding plans, but can't seem to make any decisions. haha. we still want to go to hawaii on our honeymoon, and a huge part of me wants to just get married while we're there, and then maybe have a dinner for our family and friends when we return. i'm sure we'll come up with something.

can i just say i'm sick of work?!?

Sunday, March 1, 2009 you i will be true

Daniel and I are getting married!

yesterday we were on our way to madi's birthday party. it'd been a really nice day...i had a 2.5 lb loss at weigh in, we'd hung out, took a nap, just enjoyed spending the day together. anyways...we were out driving around, just killing time before the birthday party. daniel reached up and turned the radio down - of course i'd been singing - and said "i love you". i told him i loved him too and looked up at him, and tears were streaming down his face.

"babe, are you okay?!?"
"yes...yes, i am. i have lots i want to say......i'm not going to get it all out. i want to marry you."
"i want to marry you, too."
"will you marry me?"

he had the most gorgeous engagement ring for me. it fits perfectly. i had looked at rings a few weekends ago, and had a couple picked out. we've been talking about marriage a lot lately, so i was hoping we could get to planning our day soon, but i didn't expect the proposal right when it happened.

i love my ring. but more than that, i love everything that it stands for. i love what we are, how we are, and what we will be. i love our future, and i love our "right now". i cannot remember being happier.

i think daniel was really worried about me being disappointed with his proposal. i think he assumed i wanted a big production - a big story to have. i told him i didn't think i could have planned it any better. it was sweet, simple, and sincere. just like our love.

we are playing around with a few different dates in august. we don't want a big wedding, but we do want something we can share with our family and close friends. i'm considering getting married at my grandparents' and i'm going to call ritter park to check on the rose garden's availability. we'll see how it goes.

my family was excited for us, but i must say i feel like dee (daniel's mom) was thrilled. we went out to breakfast with dee and david (her boyfriend) this morning. she asked daniel why he was grinning like that, so he told her we have something to tell you. she feared we were pregnant, but sounded so excited about us getting married. she hugged me tight and told me she loved me, she was very happy, and to be good to her baby. i told her i wouldn't have it any other way, because he's so very good to me. she then told me she wanted a baby girl. lol. i think we'll wait a few years on that one.

i'll leave you with a pic of my pretties, but it doesn't come close to doing it justice.